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Post by myles on Jun 2, 2019 15:50:43 GMT
I've seen something happen on a forum this afternoon which made me really sit back and think; how damaging to fragile mental well-being is being a member on a forum?
The lives of a forum member/mod/owner are inextricably linked to one another, and I know it's been said before but these places are being operated on a totally different set of rules to real life. The incident I witnessed today would definitely end up with someone either slapped (the wrong approach which is itself linked to mental issues) or being ostracized by the group; yet these odd incidents go on day in day out.
My question, I suppose, is does anyone else think that people that spend too much time on the internet/forums end up with a worrying approach to life, allowing their online choices to bleed into normal life?
Odd post I know but it's bugging me!
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Post by savvypaul on Jun 2, 2019 16:03:33 GMT
Was it a 'look what I just had for dinner' type thread?
They can be particularly disturbing...
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2019 16:25:42 GMT
Too many sensitive souls about if you ask me. Wilting flower types should avoid forums, as a reasonably thick skin is required.
It seems inevitable that each forum participant will take a knock or dig now and then, it's just human nature. One has to learn to live with it.
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Post by savvypaul on Jun 2, 2019 16:32:34 GMT
The main thing is not to take yourself too seriously...
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Post by myles on Jun 2, 2019 16:39:57 GMT
Too many sensitive souls about if you ask me. Wilting flower types should avoid forums, as a reasonably thick skin is required. It seems inevitable that each forum participant will take a knock or dig now and then, it's just human nature. One has to learn to live with it. Very true, and this applies on both sides of the forum. Users should be aware that it is 'only the internet' and the mods and 'owners' should realise that it's 'only the internet'. However, if their behaviour is bad enough they should also realise that it could roll over into real life. It wasn't a food thread either, although they do seem to create controversy for some unknown reason. |
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Post by myles on Jun 2, 2019 16:41:04 GMT
The main thing is not to take yourself too seriously... Exactly, remember where you are - a place where people go to w**k themselves and each other off. |
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Post by savvypaul on Jun 2, 2019 16:43:32 GMT
The main thing is not to take yourself too seriously... Exactly, remember where you are - a place where people go to w**k themselves and each other off. Mostly themselves, sometimes mutual... |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2019 17:08:02 GMT
I must be going to the wrong forums.
Where's all this happening then?
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Post by savvypaul on Jun 2, 2019 17:09:24 GMT
I must be going to the wrong forums. Where's all this happening then? Oh!! I thought we were talking about my 'Tuesday Night' club. Sorry, wrong meeting... |
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Bigman80
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Post by Bigman80 on Jun 2, 2019 17:27:38 GMT
MrHucker sometimes gets flak when he says the world of hifi (particularly hifi forums) is overpopulated by OCD types and “eccentrics”. I agree with him FWIW. Hifi tends to attract obsessives IMHO.
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Post by myles on Jun 2, 2019 17:30:14 GMT
MrHucker sometimes gets flak when he says the world of hifi (particularly hifi forums) is overpopulated by OCD types and “eccentrics”. I agree with him FWIW. Hifi tends to attract obsessives IMHO. It does attract the oddballs, but you wonder whether behind the facade there is someone who is suffering with self confidence or mental fragility. @mr Kipling - you must have been to at least one forum dedicated to hifi where the lunatics are running the asylum? |
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Post by savvypaul on Jun 2, 2019 17:32:43 GMT
MrHucker sometimes gets flak when he says the world of hifi (particularly hifi forums) is overpopulated by OCD types and “eccentrics”. I agree with him FWIW. Hifi tends to attract obsessives IMHO. It's easy to become obsessed with people who are obsessed...and, then, you're obsessed. OCD = obsessive cleaning disorder  |
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Bigman80
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Post by Bigman80 on Jun 2, 2019 18:33:58 GMT
Obsessive Complaining disorder according to those who know me  |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2019 19:59:36 GMT
I think there's a point where taking a dig vs a prolonged campaign of ridicule could have an effect on someone's mental health and well-being. A dig, sure. Dust it off and carry on. A hate campaign is a total different ball game. Not to forget, a hate campaign against any individual is unlawful. Its a criminal offence, rightly so.
If you (single) or a group continually target one person for, almost constant derision, it has to have effect somewhere, in some aspect of either their personal life or online contribution.
Personally, I find myself contributing more when people single me out. Whether that's their intention or not, it's an effect to their cause.
I also think that to a large degree, people seem to think that because it's online, it's not real or count as bullying, when actually it's quite the opposite. It's the epitome of bullying.
I haven't got an online persona. I am here, what I am everywhere. I know some folk would never dream of saying half the stuff they do if they were in front of people, face to face, and that's a large part of the problem. The percieved anonymity gives a fake shield of protection. For instance, a critic of mine, Chris, thinks he's anonymous, but he's not. I know where he works, his wife and kids names and his address. Imagine if I was the unhindged type who developed a mental issue due to his behaviour. I could do anything with information. It's bloody scary.
One of my biggest hates is bullies, and the facilitators of such behavior. In my eyes, if you join in, you are as guilty. If you don't shut it down, you are as guilty.
Online bullying is more cowardly than doing it person. The behaviour of some individuals online is revolting but I'm a big believer in Karma. I just hope people have the opportunity to deliver it when the time comes.
I lost a mate, a real good guy, to suicide because of a bully. So this is a particular area that's quite sensitive to me.
Apologies if I've ranted.
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Post by myles on Jun 2, 2019 20:46:39 GMT
Mental fragility can sometimes be the cause, the precursor to bullying. A little power, perceived in the mind of the bully, can be used as an effective tool to make other people's lives miserable, or at best put them in a position of deference.
The perception of power when you 'own' some tiny corner of cyberspace is laughable. Sometimes the kind thing is to tell the person how insignificant this reign is. Say it enough and they'll hopefully join the rest of us in real life.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2019 21:18:10 GMT
Mental fragility can sometimes be the cause, the precursor to bullying. A little power, perceived in the mind of the bully, can be used as an effective tool to make other people's lives miserable, or at best put them in a position of deference. The perception of power when you 'own' some tiny corner of cyberspace is laughable. Sometimes the kind thing is to tell the person how insignificant this reign is. Say it enough and they'll hopefully join the rest of us in real life. A bully can only get what they want from others. Their behaviour is to gain approval from peers. If that approval is not forthcoming, the bully has to change approach. The problem is there are forum members who's only desire is to deride. They contribute nothing positive and certainly nothing hifi related. They are being given "airtime" by certain forums and also encouraged by certain forum owners to do this. In my eyes, they are complicit in this behaviour and just as guilty as the perpetrators. We aren't a forum without fault. We know that, but we decided upon its relaunch that this forum would not tolerate exclusion and hatred. I am very proud of Andrew for being big enough to take that approach. There's no platform for that behaviour here, there's no bullying here. Anyone from any other forum can converse here without prejudice. We haven't banned discussion of certain products or companies. Instead we encourage it. The platform that these bullies rely on must be changed to remove the access to this type of member. We did it here so anyone can do it. In terms of the forum owners around the Internet, it's up to them how they behave from a personal point of view and it's far harder to moderate that, but the membership can and should either speak out or vote with their feet. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2019 22:15:10 GMT
MrHucker sometimes gets flak when he says the world of hifi (particularly hifi forums) is overpopulated by OCD types and “eccentrics”. I agree with him FWIW. Hifi tends to attract obsessives IMHO. It does attract the oddballs, but you wonder whether behind the facade there is someone who is suffering with self confidence or mental fragility. @mr Kipling - you must have been to at least one forum dedicated to hifi where the lunatics are running the asylum? Err... lunatic. Singular. Self-proclaiming/Egotistical/Controlling/Somewhat Hypercritical - Lunatic! Yes!! And bullying has nothing to do with seeking approval; it's about control. It's about exerting control over others. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2019 22:24:48 GMT
It does attract the oddballs, but you wonder whether behind the facade there is someone who is suffering with self confidence or mental fragility. @mr Kipling - you must have been to at least one forum dedicated to hifi where the lunatics are running the asylum? Err... lunatic. Singular. Self-proclaiming/Egotistical/Controlling/Somewhat Hypercritical - Lunatic! Yes!! And bullying has nothing to do with seeking approval; it's about control. It's about exerting control over others. It has to do with inadequacy. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2019 22:35:24 GMT
I've seen something happen on a forum this afternoon which made me really sit back and think; how damaging to fragile mental well-being is being a member on a forum? The lives of a forum member/mod/owner are inextricably linked to one another, and I know it's been said before but these places are being operated on a totally different set of rules to real life. The incident I witnessed today would definitely end up with someone either slapped (the wrong approach which is itself linked to mental issues) or being ostracized by the group; yet these odd incidents go on day in day out. My question, I suppose, is does anyone else think that people that spend too much time on the internet/forums end up with a worrying approach to life, allowing their online choices to bleed into normal life? Odd post I know but it's bugging me! I think it's more the other way round; forum behaviour is a manifestation of how someone is in 'real life', whether that's being obsessive, aggressive, defensive, bullying, or whatever. Of course, real life manifestations sometimes carry consequences such as a punch on the nose, whereas in forumland it usually ends in a ban or a flounce. |
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Post by Bigman80 on Jun 3, 2019 4:24:06 GMT
I've seen something happen on a forum this afternoon which made me really sit back and think; how damaging to fragile mental well-being is being a member on a forum? The lives of a forum member/mod/owner are inextricably linked to one another, and I know it's been said before but these places are being operated on a totally different set of rules to real life. The incident I witnessed today would definitely end up with someone either slapped (the wrong approach which is itself linked to mental issues) or being ostracized by the group; yet these odd incidents go on day in day out. My question, I suppose, is does anyone else think that people that spend too much time on the internet/forums end up with a worrying approach to life, allowing their online choices to bleed into normal life? Odd post I know but it's bugging me! I think it's more the other way round; forum behaviour is a manifestation of how someone is in 'real life', whether that's being obsessive, aggressive, defensive, bullying, or whatever. Of course, real life manifestations sometimes carry consequences such as a punch on the nose, whereas in forumland it usually ends in a ban or a flounce. I agree. You’re more likely to see the real person online because they are free from the mask they wear in person. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2019 6:47:34 GMT
The sort of behavior the OP is referring to is "in my opinion" merely a reflection of a very sad insecure lonely fellow, who has no real friends, or any philosophy on life, and it's purpose or meaning. They are, (again "in my opinion") severely deluded, and materialistic to the extreme, being devoured from within by avarice, the green eyed monster, and hatred for their fellow man. Usually this is compensated for by a so called love of animals. Woe betide any person who dares to challenge their sacred beliefs. Best ignored, or even better avoided "in my opinion".
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Post by macca on Jun 3, 2019 7:17:11 GMT
Mental fragility can sometimes be the cause, the precursor to bullying. A little power, perceived in the mind of the bully, can be used as an effective tool to make other people's lives miserable, or at best put them in a position of deference. The perception of power when you 'own' some tiny corner of cyberspace is laughable. Sometimes the kind thing is to tell the person how insignificant this reign is. Say it enough and they'll hopefully join the rest of us in real life. On the other hand becoming obsessed with the idea that someone owns 'a tiny corner of cyberspace' and even worse trying to 'help' them is indicative of both immaturity and deep-seated emotional problems. Why would someone feel so strongly about what happens in that tiny corner? Do they not have a life of their own to be getting on with instead of worrying about someone elses? Do they not realise what sad little snowflakes they look like to everyone else?
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Post by myles on Jun 3, 2019 9:17:35 GMT
Mental fragility can sometimes be the cause, the precursor to bullying. A little power, perceived in the mind of the bully, can be used as an effective tool to make other people's lives miserable, or at best put them in a position of deference. The perception of power when you 'own' some tiny corner of cyberspace is laughable. Sometimes the kind thing is to tell the person how insignificant this reign is. Say it enough and they'll hopefully join the rest of us in real life. On the other hand becoming obsessed with the idea that someone owns 'a tiny corner of cyberspace' and even worse trying to 'help' them is indicative of both immaturity and deep-seated emotional problems. Why would someone feel so strongly about what happens in that tiny corner? Do they not have a life of their own to be getting on with instead of worrying about someone elses? Do they not realise what sad little snowflakes they look like to everyone else?
Is it? Really? I'm concerned for you too if you think that. I've not seen that opinion from anyone else yet. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2019 9:53:23 GMT
The trouble with the internet and forums is that they can be very insular, and if a person is of that persuasion, it can become all encompassing and take on far far more importance than it deserves.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2019 9:55:30 GMT
I think it's more the other way round; forum behaviour is a manifestation of how someone is in 'real life', whether that's being obsessive, aggressive, defensive, bullying, or whatever. Of course, real life manifestations sometimes carry consequences such as a punch on the nose, whereas in forumland it usually ends in a ban or a flounce. I agree. You’re more likely to see the real person online because they are free from the mask they wear in person. Nah. I'm exactly the same in person as the me I portray on the net. Horrifying I know, but there it is!  |
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Post by myles on Jun 3, 2019 10:09:21 GMT
The trouble with the internet and forums is that they can be very insular, and if a person is of that persuasion, it can become all encompassing and take on far far more importance than it deserves. That's why bake offs, meets, run outs and car meets (if you are that way inclined) and their benefits far outweigh a life on the internet. |
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Post by macca on Jun 3, 2019 11:17:32 GMT
On the other hand becoming obsessed with the idea that someone owns 'a tiny corner of cyberspace' and even worse trying to 'help' them is indicative of both immaturity and deep-seated emotional problems. Why would someone feel so strongly about what happens in that tiny corner? Do they not have a life of their own to be getting on with instead of worrying about someone elses? Do they not realise what sad little snowflakes they look like to everyone else?
Is it? Really? I'm concerned for you too God help me. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2019 14:15:23 GMT
Loonies the whole lote of em
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Post by Bigman80 on Jun 4, 2019 4:11:08 GMT
I agree. You’re more likely to see the real person online because they are free from the mask they wear in person. Nah. I'm exactly the same in person as the me I portray on the net. Horrifying I know, but there it is! If you and a few are the same in real life and online, it doesn’t alter the point. If there is a difference, the real person is what is displayed online, I reckon. Just in your case, you don’t wear a mask (or masks) in real life. |
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Post by savvypaul on Jun 4, 2019 10:26:57 GMT
Mental fragility can sometimes be the cause, the precursor to bullying. A little power, perceived in the mind of the bully, can be used as an effective tool to make other people's lives miserable, or at best put them in a position of deference. The perception of power when you 'own' some tiny corner of cyberspace is laughable. Sometimes the kind thing is to tell the person how insignificant this reign is. Say it enough and they'll hopefully join the rest of us in real life. On the other hand becoming obsessed with the idea that someone owns 'a tiny corner of cyberspace' and even worse trying to 'help' them is indicative of both immaturity and deep-seated emotional problems. Why would someone feel so strongly about what happens in that tiny corner? Do they not have a life of their own to be getting on with instead of worrying about someone elses? Do they not realise what sad little snowflakes they look like to everyone else?
You don't want to become obsessed with people who are obsessed with people who they think are obsessed... |
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