Dumb jokes

A guy is doing his housework at nighttime with a bird of prey on each shoulder.

What music is he listening to?...

Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark

Where would you weigh a whale?

A whaleweigh station.



Where would you weigh a pie?

Somewhere over the rainbow

Having read the last few 'jokes', wish I hadn't resurrected this thread.

Why have horses got four feet?

'cos six inches wouldn't reach.

What do you call a one legged woman?

Eileen

There was a young lady called Sally
Who enjoyed the occasional dally.
When sat on the lap of a well endowed chap
She said "I think you're right up my alley"

"Doctor    Doctor..
I've broken my arm in two places"! .
.
"Well .... don't go to those places"

Haha, brilliant. I love it

🙃

I know this feeling

A woman placed an ad in a news paper.


'I am looking for a male partner who needs to meet these three requirements. He shouldn't beat me. He shouldn't leave me. He should be great in bed.'

Three days later, her door bell rang, and she opened the door to find a man.


The man said, "Hi, I'm Tim. I don't have hands, so I can't beat you. I don't have legs so I can't leave you. I think I'm the guy."


The lady in an angry voice asked him back, "How the hell are you supposed to be great in bed then. Didn't you read the third requirement?"

Tim replied, "I rang the doorbell. Didn't I?"

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a baseball."

Man - "That's nice."

Boy - "Want to buy it?"

Man - "No, thanks."

Boy - "My dad's outside."

Man - "OK, how much?"

Boy - "$150"

Man - "Sold."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here."

Man - "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove."

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy,"How much?"

Boy - "$350"

Man - "Highway robbery. Sold."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch."

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

The boy says, "$500"

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost.

I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth with the Priest to confess his sins and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that crap again, you're in my closet now."

Two cowboys were sitting in a bar when one asked his friend if he had heard of the new sex position called rodeo. His friend says no, what is it?

Well you mount your wife from the back, reach around and cup her breasts with both hands.

Then say, "Boy, those are almost as nice as your sisters".

Then see how long you can stay in the saddle.